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Jun. 2nd, 2011 | 02:44 pm

I said I would post some fic, didn't I?

Title: Letters - Chapter One, 'Dear Evans'
Fandom: Harry Potter
Wordcount: 1,321
Rating: PG, for occasional language and sexual innuendos
Era: Marauders
Pairing(s): James/Lily, implied Sirius/Hestia Jones
Notes: This fic requires a little bit of explanation. When we were younger and had less work, agencebandit, artvsscience and myself would RP (before we even knew what RP was) as Marauders characters in the middle of class. We built up oodles of head canon, and this fic uses some of that head canon, though as it centres around Lily and James there isn't too much of it. Some basic things you need to understand are:
- Lily's best friends are Hestia Jones and Marlene Mckinnon.
- Marlene has a mostly steady relationship with Remus, while Hestia has an on-off relationship with Sirius
- Dorcas Meadows is... well. She is obsessed with James (and Sirius), and refuses to believe they're not at all interested in her. She's also a bit of a creeper (don't ask me how this happened, I don't know).
- If there's anything I've missed, please don't hesitate to ask.
This was co-written with artvsscience (she as James, me as Lily) and was written like a RP (in other words, not planned out and not at all edited).


Dear Evans,

I notice you haven’t got a date to Hogsmede anymore after you and Amos Diggory broke up – that’s terrible, by the way – so… I think you know what I’m asking.

Faithfully yours,
James Potter

.

Dear Potter,

No, I don’t think Amos is currently available, and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t swing that way. You’ll have to go to Hogsmede on your own.

Sincerely,
Lily Evans

.

Evans,

You’re not really under the impression I fancy Diggory, do you? If I was gay, don’t you think I’d go after Sirius? He is the best-looking guy at Hogwarts – except for me, of course. No, my dear, I want you to come to Hogsmede with me.

Grinning devilishly,
James Potter

.

Potter,

Well, that pink cashmere does give rather a strong impression. And you do trail after Sirius like a love-sick dog. But I’m avoiding the question. I’ll have you know I’m going to Hogsmede with Marlene and Hestia – Black cheated on her again – to have a girl’s day.

Apologies,
Lily Evans

.

Evans,

I’ll have you know the sweater is courtesy of my mother, so you can take it up with her. I’m sorry to hear about Jones (I’ll talk to him if you like), but can’t I tempt you to be with me for just an hour at Hogsmede?

Begging (practically),
James Potter

.

Potter,

Your mother still buys you clothes? I’d appreciate it if you talked to Black; Hestia is rather cut up about it. No, I cannot meet in Hogsmede – Hestia, Marlene and I promised we wouldn’t date for a while. Even if I hadn’t, I still wouldn’t date you.

Sincerely,
Lily Evans

.

Lily,

I’m her ‘dearest Jamesie’ – of course she still buys me clothes. I don’t want to make that woman unhappy. What did he do to her, by the way? Oh come on Lily, you can have a secret date with me. I promise not to tell anyone, not even Remus. Just – just see if you like it. All I’m asking for is one date. You don’t have to go again if you don’t want to!

With hopes almost dashed,
James Potter

.

Potter,

‘Dearest Jamesie’? Tell me, how does it feel when Dorcas calls you the pet name you mother has for you? Has Dorcas ever made you a sweater? I can’t tell you, it’s a girl thing. No.

Sincerely,
Lily Evans

.

Evans,

Forgive me if I detect a subtle nuance of affection in the way you taunt me. Dorcas has made me sweaters, but I don’t wear them – ever. It’s a matter if fashion sense as much as it is pride. I’d much rather one of your sweaters, anyway. Girl thing. Right! I bet you told Remus. And, please?

Despondent,
James Potter

.

Potter,

Any sense of affection you detect is a figment of your imagination. What kind of sweaters, may I ask? No, I didn’t tell Remus. No.

Sincerely,
Lily Evans

.

Evans,

If it so please you, I’ll keep on imagining. What kind of sweaters do I want you to knit me? Any type you want, dear Lily. Really? How do I know you’re not lying? And fine, have it your way. You’ll regret it eventually.

Scowling,
James Potter

.

Potter,

Actually, it does not please me, so please stop it. I meant the kind of sweaters Dorcas makes. Hestia, Marlene and I are doing a presentation on fashion disasters; perhaps you can send some samples. Why would I lie? I will not.

Sincerely,
Lily Evans

Evans,

Secretly trying to get me to send you one of my articles of clothing so you can cherish it in privacy? And yes – you will. You’ll give up the game eventually – I know you fancy me, deep down. It’s a gut feeling.

Sensing something,
James Potter

.

Potter,

On the contrary, I shall have little contact with the item you send. Marlene is the one actually giving the presentation, and the item shall be returned immediately. It will be treated with the same indifference as the boxers Sirius supplied. You’re imagining things again.

Sincerely,
Lily Evans

.

Evans,

Did you know that the Nile is not only a river in Egypt? You can wear my sweater – I don’t mind. In fact, if you do send it back to me, which I highly doubt you will, your lovely perfume will at least mask it’s horridness (Dorcas insists on knitting them herself – she claims ‘Our Love’ is otherwise false). By the way, no girl in her right mind can treat a pair of Sirius’ dacks with indifference. Just wait, Jones’ll go ape-shit.

Knowingly,
James Potter

.

Potter,

Yes, the Nile is also a river in Sudan, Uganda, and Tanzania. What’s your point? If the sweater is as ugly as you make out, I highly doubt I’ll even touch it. We’re handling all ugly clothes with rubber gloves, tongs, and other essential safety equipment. And, for your information, Hestia took seeing Sirius’ underpants very well. Apparently, she’s already seen them plenty of times.

Sincerely,
Lily Evans

.

Evans,

Again – you’re slow for a clever girl. You’re lucky I don’t lose my patience easily, or I’d be undoing Emmeline Vance’s shirt buttons right now; don’t make that face at me. Anyway, I’ll bet she has. They can’t be much of a novelty anymore. I heard she’s even taken him underwear shopping at Gladrags’s.

Eyebrow waggle,
James Potter

.

Potter,

And that is why I shall never go out with you, you perverse, pathetic excuse for a human being.

Sincerely,
Lily Evans

.

Evans,

Don’t be jealous, it doesn’t become you.

James Potter

P.S. You could have me anytime you wanted… all it takes is a ‘yes’ to my ever-present-proposal.
P.P.S. Shall I continue the alliteration? Does it impress you?

.

Potter,

No, no, and no.

Sincerely,
Lily Evans

P.S. I showed your letter to Marlene, who showed it to Hestia, who showed it to Emmeline, who is now also completely disgusted with you.
P.P.S. Hestia is also disgusted with you for insinuating she shops anywhere other than ‘Glamour Jinxed’.
P.P.P.S. I hate you.

.

Evans,

Tell Emmeline that she must have suffered a terrible concussion, because I clearly remember last night. Tell Jones that I don’t care one way or the other – it’s just clothes. FINALLY, I love you, so you’d better learn to do a three-sixty.

Sincerely,
James Potter

P.S. Ever read ‘Pride and Prejudice’?

.

Potter,

Emmeline would like me to inform you that that was Jeanette Midgeon last night (and now neither are speaking to you, as you may have noticed). Hestia would like me to inform you to watch out for your head at Quidditch practice today. I have no interest in learning to do a ‘three-sixty’. Finally, of course I have. You only know about it because Hestia gave you a list of my favourite books, so you could attempt to impress me.

Sincerely,
Lily Evans

.

Evans,

You may tell Emmeline Vance and Jeanette Midgeon that, in the dark, they both feel the same. You may inform Hestia Jones that threats against the Quidditch captain are not appreciated, and that she is now suspended from the team until further notice; I’m sure she’ll have fun watching from the sidelines. And, for your information, I’ve read it twice, before I came upon the list of ‘your favourite books’. So there.

Regards,
James Charlus Potter

P.S. Doubt my intelligence? Count my OWLS. I dare you.

.

Potter,

Emmeline and Jeanette still both hate you. Hestia would like to inform you that you cannot suspend a player from the team when there is no alternate, especially when the Quidditch final is three days away. That’s excellent for you.

Sincerely,
L. M. Evans

P.S. I have no interest in continuing this conversation, and I would prefer it if you didn’t write to me again.

.

Lily Evans,

I have twelve OWLS.

Sincerely,
James Potter

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